I’ve found you…

there she is
now she’s gone
disappearing into the ether
and back again
playing hide and seek
floating on the ceiling
hiding under the stairs
living in the cracks
peering back at you
from the inside out
just getting on with life

Hello. Hello…
is anyone there?

I thought I heard your voice
calling from far away

Is that really you?
trying to break through
sending messages of hope
from another dimension
somewhere over the rainbow
or on the dark side of the moon
circling in a black balloon
just getting on with death

light another cigarette
light another candle
in front of the butterfly box
holding ashes and dust
and memories and time

absence makes the heart grow fonder
messages of love hidden inside a book about addiction
and under your pillow and inside your shoe
to show how much I care about you

I see you…

feeding the swans in winter
in your blue coat and woolly hat
with your mother and sister
looking like a film star
in a silent movie
captured on celluloid
in glorious Technicolor…
remembering and forgetting

just look into the light
and open up your mind
lie back in the gondola
wearing a straw hat
and rest your weary bones
remembering space cakes on the painted barge in Amsterdam
and Van Gogh and the flower market
and opium dreams…
standing upright in the car with your head through the rooftop
rushing into the night feeling like a young god
neon lights reflecting from wet city streets
like a flotilla of Egyptian scarabs encrusted with gems
carrying the sun through the other world
to be renewed once more in the morning

just look into the abyss
floating on the surface of the sea
arms outstretched and face up to the sky
like a discarded Jesus
feeling like fish bait
on the cusp of liberation and terror
eyes closed and weightless
liquefied and suspended
in the timeless silence of the deep
remembering our aquatic life
long before we were born

I watch you…

in the morning as you soar over the town
above the winding roads and the ruined castle where you tease the golden sun
and scream down the street with the fearless swallows which return in spring
terrifying the neighbourhood cats and taunting them with your swooping skills
in a tournament of catch me if you can
in a game they will never win

in the evening I listen as you unravel your fears
and weave them into a surreal tapestry of carnivalesque joy
of bare breasted women on flying horses
with painted bodies and pregnant bellies singing karaoke…
a musical army of lactating warriors
superheroes and lionesses on roller skates with happy songs
showering the crowds with love and profanity
and jets of mother’s milk
like a holy sacrament…
like the blood of Boudica

where are you?

now you see me
now you don’t
appearing and disappearing
glimmering and shimmering
in and out of view
there but not there
real but not real
gone but not gone
like the dead mouse in the swimming pool with it’s perfect little dead mouse body
like the dead fox which is not a dead fox
like fairy lights and fire flies and moon shadows and daydreams
and all the things that time forgot

light another cigarette
light another candle
in front of the butterfly box
holding ashes and dust
and memories and time

Hello. Hello…
are you still there?

I’ve lost my connection
the line is dead
I talk to you inside my head
thoughts and words that were not spoken
everything we left unsaid
all the things I don’t remember
and all the things I can’t forget

22 October 2021

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