When you died I did not know where you had gone. I could not comprehend your absence, the reality of your non-being, or the fact that you would never be coming home again.
I stumbled through empty rooms and corridors, clutching at the white-washed walls, crouching in dark corners, crying out for you… “Where are you my love? Where are you?”
It’s a question which still troubles and confuses me. And one which I cannot answer. I look for you everywhere. And sometimes I find you.
A stray hair
A white dove
A girl at the beach
Fairy lights and fireflies
A long-legged spider
Moon shadows and scented candles
A song-bird in the morning
A strange cloud formation drifting over the sea with the faces of angels and cartoon sharks
A pink glowing sunset
A delicate blue flower
A sand beetle toiling heroically through the endless desert in the midday sun
A lazy cat sleeping in the shaded street
A hazy mountain which shimmers like a ghost and sometimes vanishes completely and returns in the morning wrapped in a black shroud
The wind in the courtyard and in the trees and in the bell tower
Your fingerprints on the window pane
A cup of tea
Ten thousand cups of tea
A fried egg roll
Cream slices and hot doughnuts
These fleeting moments of recognition and remembrance bring you back to me once more. Echoes of eternity reflected in the ephemera of day-to-day life. Each moment at once unique, yet played out again and again forever. As if for the first time.
16 July 2019