Ladies and gentlemen
with your permission
and kind indulgence
we are most delighted
and excited
to present
his excellency
the Baron
our honored guest
a man of outstanding achievements
and great acclaim
the British ambassador
Lord What’s His Name
That obsequious bootlicker
of the rich and powerful
a sycophantic turd
of the highest order
servile and compliant
as needs must
and in accordance
with protocol
but nevertheless
not a quitter
a great patriot
and class traitor
relentless
mendacious
Machiavellian
cold as a fish
slippery as an eel
a man of the times
a servant of the state
the right honorable
Lord What’s His Face
The Prince of Darkness
you may recall
that doctor of spin
that master of lies
a charming
weasel-faced cunt
in his day
revered and despised
simultaneously
by colleagues
and commentators alike —
spinning and winning
scheming and scamming
wheeling and dealing
that smooth operator
that cunning fox
the third man
and his monstrous ego
the meat in the sandwich
the whore at the door
a man of no discernible principles
yet truly sincere
with the utmost integrity
an impeccable friend
and confidant
an indispensable ally
of prime ministers
and presidents
oligarchs and autocrats
war criminals
aspiring dictators
and convicted pedophiles
to name only a few
and without prejudice
to the rest of the crew
A gifted and accomplished statesman
of great discernment
and political skill
a cunning strategist
at the very heart
of the establishment
for all those years
and therefore
a fitting symbol
of our national decline
with a talent
for bolstering his own fortunes
at our expense
while manipulating the levers of power
and greasing the wheels of industry
with dark money
and backroom deals
a solid defender
of the status quo
a champion
of corporate interests
and global elites
those criminals
and dirty cheats
who sold our assets
for private gain
and pissed our future
down the drain
Ladies and gentlemen
if you please
a round of applause
and a very warm welcome
for a man of great importance and renown
a representative of the British crown
a national treasure
a bloody disgrace
the ex-ambassador
Lord What’s His Face
8 September 2025
Updated: 11 September 2025